Wedding Breeze

Guo Da Li is a traditional Chinese practice of the groom’s family asking for the permission from the bride’s parents for the hand of bride. This is usually conducted one or two weeks before the wedding. For the more traditional families, they will consult the almanac to select the date and time for this practice.

It is important as it is one of the few formal occasions the two families will come together before the actual day. Both sides should treat both parties respectfully. I have heard of how a groom’s family offended the bride’s family and the bride’s mother was so worked up that she refused to attend the wedding.

The purpose of this is to show that groom is able to support a family and also that the family will take good care of the daughter after the marriage. At the same time, the bride’s family will return some of the things to show that they are not selling their daughter.

Depending on the dialect groups, there are various gifts. Coming from a Teochew family, it is quite important to get the four pieces of jewellery, better known as the Si Dian Jin. Traditionally, it refers to four pieces of gold jewellery. They make include gold chain, gold pendant, gold earrings, and gold bangle. However, with the changes in taste, it can be known as Si Dian Zhuan, referring to diamonds.

I do not wear earrings, so hopefully I will get something else instead. It’s a little bit tricky here, because I really dislike yellow gold. However, yellow gold has more value than diamonds. But since people buy it to keep and not to sell, hopefully the groom’s family will buy what the bride will like.

For some families, the jewellery is bought by the groom’s mother. Some mothers of the grooms will get the bride-to-be to go to the jewellery shop together to select the pieces. What is more important is the thought that counts. Don’t be too greedy and ask for really expensive items, especially if you know the money from the mother-in-law will come from your husband. Even if it is her own savings, it is even more important to think about the financial ability. This is not a time to show off wealth at the expense of happiness. At the same time, some people get offended if they feel the value is too low.

Some shops such as Poh Heng cater specially to such items. They have an entire set for people to choose from. It all depends on your liking.

For the Cantonese, they will bring dried seafood. Pig trotters are given to Hokkiens. Nowadays, people bring canned food instead of the wet items. This is simply more hygienic and convenient. Customs will change over time and just go along with it.

Finally, other items include oranges, liquor, and dragon and phoenix candles. Accepting the dragon candles signifies that her family accepts the groom as a son-in-law. Offering the phoenix candles to the groom’s family symbolises the giving of their daughter’s hand.

Source: The Sunday Times 27 July 2008