It is at a particular point in the marriage ceremony that the bride and the groom light a unity candle together. The unity candle set up at marriage is frequently white in color and is often decorated with the invitation or some inscription or a picture of the couple. Other special adornment/ornamentation may also be used. The ritual lighting is also at times accompanied by a special musical piece.

The unity candle ceremony at marriage

In the unity candle ceremony two taper candles and a large pillar candle are used.  The large candle is the one referred to as the unity candle. As the wedding ceremony begins the mothers of the bride and the groom light the two taper candles. Later on, typically between the exchange of vows and the formal declaration of the wedding, the bride and the groom take the two taper candles lighted and use them together to light the large pillar candle.

After lighting the pillar candle the individual taper candles may be blown out or kept lit beside the central candle. Blowing out of the individual candles may signify that the bride and the groom lose their individuality and develop a new united identity of their own as symbolized by the central candle. However, keeping them lit beside the central candle is also preferred by many as it signifies that though united in a big way yet the participants in the wedlock still do retain their individuality.

Alternate ways of using unity candles at marriages

Though traditionally the unity candle ceremony makes use of three candles there are other ways of performing it too wherein all the family members and close friends of the bride and the groom are invited to participate. Some unconventional twists may be added to the conventional unity candle ceremony too. Each of the guests may be provided with an unlit candle and after the couple lights the unity candle the guests can be requested to light their individual candles from the unity candle. This will be meaningfully symbolizing that the guests’ involvement is important too in the union.

It may be noted that the unity candle ceremony may not be considered necessary at all in the wedding. However, it does serve as a novel inclusion that makes the occasion all the more special and memorable for the couple, their family members and guests.

Diverse wedding traditions of cultures

Throwing light on the peculiar customs of wedding ceremonies as observed in various cultures across the globe will reflect the diversity of wedding traditions-

• Traditional marriages in China are characterized by the predominance of the red color- the traditional color of love. While the bridal gown is usually of a brilliant red color various shades of red like scarlet prevail over the various objects associated with the wedding.

• In the marriage ceremonies of some African tribes there is the custom of binding the wrists of the bride and the groom with braided grass ties. This custom signifying the union of the couple is prevalent even today.

• Old Mexican weeding customs that are still followed involves the encircling of the bride and the groom in a loose lasso made of some pretty, soft cord that is twisted into a figure eight symbol or a sign of infinity. 

• Wedding receptions in the Irish culture substitute the usual white wedding cake with a brandy or bourbon-soaked, spicy fruit cake. This signifies a special celebrative mood.

• Finnish marriages done the old way require the brides to be wearing a crown of gold. This was especially featured in the ‘Dance of the Crowns’ whereby the crown- a gold colored wreath was wrapped around the bride’s head. This beautiful ‘crown’ was also used for crowning some other maiden during the dance.

• Traditional Indian (Hindu) marriages are considered sacraments and are characterized by the exchange of garlands between the bride and the groom and the taking of seven steps together by the couple. The couple also moves around the holy fire together amidst chanting of special incantations while onlookers- friends and relatives shower petals on them.

• Spanish marriages solemnized as per old customs requires the bride to wear a most beautiful headdress made of delicate lace mantillas over the hair with orange blossoms tucked in.

• German marriages make wonderful usage of candles. The bride and the groom both hold decorative candles in their hands and light them up together at the conclusion of the ceremony.

Unity of purpose in diverse global wedding traditions

There can be observed a unity of purpose in these diverse wedding traditions- that of bringing together the bride and the groom and giving social acceptance to their union through a special, memorable ceremony. In the modern day society there is also the need of the wedding to be recognized by the state. So, meeting of some legal obligations have also become a part of wedding customs around the globe.  

Each stroke holds an auspicious meaning for the various stages of life after marriage. At the same time, it is to teach the bride that she has to grow up and not be so wilful like a little girl once she has become a wife, and later on, a mother.

Other items include combs, sewing kit, mirrors, red string and ruler. The red string will be used to tie the bride’s hair. As for the ruler, it is to stress the importance of relationship and the family. The ties should be cherished and not cast aside, especially in today’s busy world.

I have not checked out the shops yet, but these are some shops mentioned in the newspaper article.

1. Wedding Cottage at IMM in Jurong
2. Fuyuan – The Wedding Shop in New Market Road Food Centre in Chinatown
3. Minah Departmental in Beauty World Centre in Upper Bukit Timah
4. Cheok Keuw Bridal in Jurong West

That little point aside, this tradition is to symbolise good health, abundance of fortune and offspring for the couple. They will put a lot of things on the bed.

Eight types of auspicious seeds, grains oranges, red packets, and metallic discs will be placed on the bed. Seeds are known as ‘zi’ in Chinese, and they sound the same as ‘children’. Hence, with so many types of seeds, it is to bless the couple to have children early. The discs are to signify a blissful marriage, but I have never seen this before.

I’m just wondering how to carry this out. My house is currently being built and I am not sure whether they will be able to finish construction in November, in time for us to do up the interior design and get ready for our marriage. If not, my husband may have to live with my parents, or I will live with his family. Does that mean we must buy the marital bed first? There is no space to put a queen-sized bed in my room, and to bring the bed from any of our houses to our new house will require quite a lot of logistics and money.

Oh well, I’m sure everything will turn out well.

Source: The Sunday Times 27 July 2008

Dowry is given by the bride’s parents to their daughter and future son-in-law. This is done on the same day as Guo Da Li or Betrothal. The gifts are to give blessings to the couple and to demonstrate that the bride is prepared to become a wife and a mother.

My mother still keeps all the items. She refuses to throw away this orange baby bathtub. I remember some photos of me splashing happily in the bathtub. This is probably to encourage the couple to have children. At the same time, a potty and a basin are required items.

Apart from child-bearing gifts, other gifts such as a sewing kit, tea sets, bowl set, lamps and towels are given. These items are there mainly to symbolise how capable the bride will be when she becomes a wife. The lamps are to show the couple they will have a bright future ahead, and the crockery items are to show they will have more than sufficient food to eat, signifying wealth.

I’ve heard of mothers giving S$1888 or more. I’m not sure what the market rate is, though this is more dependent on the families. After all, a dowry is just an auspicious gift from the family to the couple. It is really important to have a happy wedding, than one where people are unhappy over money.

Source: The Sunday Times 27 July 2008

It is important as it is one of the few formal occasions the two families will come together before the actual day. Both sides should treat both parties respectfully. I have heard of how a groom’s family offended the bride’s family and the bride’s mother was so worked up that she refused to attend the wedding.

The purpose of this is to show that groom is able to support a family and also that the family will take good care of the daughter after the marriage. At the same time, the bride’s family will return some of the things to show that they are not selling their daughter.

Depending on the dialect groups, there are various gifts. Coming from a Teochew family, it is quite important to get the four pieces of jewellery, better known as the Si Dian Jin. Traditionally, it refers to four pieces of gold jewellery. They make include gold chain, gold pendant, gold earrings, and gold bangle. However, with the changes in taste, it can be known as Si Dian Zhuan, referring to diamonds.

I do not wear earrings, so hopefully I will get something else instead. It’s a little bit tricky here, because I really dislike yellow gold. However, yellow gold has more value than diamonds. But since people buy it to keep and not to sell, hopefully the groom’s family will buy what the bride will like.

For some families, the jewellery is bought by the groom’s mother. Some mothers of the grooms will get the bride-to-be to go to the jewellery shop together to select the pieces. What is more important is the thought that counts. Don’t be too greedy and ask for really expensive items, especially if you know the money from the mother-in-law will come from your husband. Even if it is her own savings, it is even more important to think about the financial ability. This is not a time to show off wealth at the expense of happiness. At the same time, some people get offended if they feel the value is too low.

Some shops such as Poh Heng cater specially to such items. They have an entire set for people to choose from. It all depends on your liking.

For the Cantonese, they will bring dried seafood. Pig trotters are given to Hokkiens. Nowadays, people bring canned food instead of the wet items. This is simply more hygienic and convenient. Customs will change over time and just go along with it.

Finally, other items include oranges, liquor, and dragon and phoenix candles. Accepting the dragon candles signifies that her family accepts the groom as a son-in-law. Offering the phoenix candles to the groom’s family symbolises the giving of their daughter’s hand.

Source: The Sunday Times 27 July 2008

S: How long have you been with your husband before you decided to get married?
R: We were together for a good 7 years before we tied the knot. After being together for that long, we reckoned that it’s just natural that we take it a step further and decided to take the plunge – that we’ll end up together for good finally! *LOL*

S: That’s really long! So when did you start planning for your wedding?
R: Hmm.. let me see … we tied the knot in Aug 2005. Two years prior to that, I was already DREAMING about our wedding (HAHA!) but the actual planning & work did not get into gear till about a year later.
So yeps, technically it took me about a year of planning and executing for the whole affair.

Read on

Continued

S: You seemed to have both a traditional wedding ceremony and a Western one. What made you decide to do this?
R: There’s no getting round the traditional ceremony. The solemnisation (akad nikah) is what seals a marriage in my religion, so that has to be done the “traditional” way. And the parentals insist that there has to be a traditional reception for the relatives and older folks.

We had a separate Western style reception for colleagues and close friends, more laidback and certainly much smaller in scale. That’s where I get to put my fantasies and grandiose plans into play for what I hope was an intimate affair, done to our liking!

But we had fun both ways. I guess we had the best of both worlds in the end!

S: Certainly! East meets West is a great idea. How did you get started on your research and planning?
R: I think our 1st priority above everything else was the venue, well at least for our dinner reception. Everything else revolved round the venue. We wanted a small affair, and there weren’t that many places that would nicely accommodate a small group. We didn’t want a hotel, cos that was pretty run of the mill. So we scouted out all the museums in SIN – ACM, National Museum, Old Parliament House etc for a good 2mths. Ironically, SAM was our last stop as we couldn’t get the earlier choices. But at the end of the day, think we were very happy with our choice of venue.

Everything else just flows from there I guess. We booked our photographer and make-up artist at a Malay Wedding Fair about 6 months before our wedding. Everything under one roof – easier that way!

After the venue was settled, we registered ourselves with several shortlisted catering companies. Always a good idea, so you;ll get invited to their showcases/fairs etc so you can sample their food and see their decor etc for yourself. We settled on our caterer about 3mths before the wedding, and the showcase we attended was coincidentally held at SAM too!

There weren’t really that much to do thereafter. I had a pleasant time planning the wedding, and wasn’t the least bit stressed out, which was surprising considering I was pretty anal about details. I scouted out for personalised favours online. I designed my own wedding invites (and printed them ourselves too!). I also came up with the colour theme for the dinner reception and all the table setting for the reception was envisioned by me and executed with the help of my trusted friends In short, there was a lot of DIY that went on for the wedding!

S: The Singapore Art Museum was a great idea. I saw a couple hold their wedding there when I went to see the art exhibitions, and you really made a great choice. Were the logistics taken care by SAM or your caterer? Or do you have to make sure things run smoothly?
R: SAM was very accommodating to our requests, and assisted us in our basic logistics (tables, chairs, tech personnel, signages). The caterer only came in for the buffet set-up and a bit of decor. The rest of the logistics were taken care of by my friends who helped me to arrange the tables/chairs, do up the table settings (which included DIY table numbers, self-folded napkins, self-arranged table centrepieces, candles and self-plucked rose petals). Needless to say, my wedding minders (my friends) had their work cut out for them that day! But they were an amazing bunch, which certainly helped to make my experience much less stressful and all the more pleasant and worrie-less.

S: You have a great bunch of friends!
Did you have any beauty secrets to look your best for your wedding?
R: Not so much beauty secrets, I guess. But I was pretty obsessed with getting myself toned for the big day. Hahaha! So for a year, I religiously attended step-aerobics classes as well as Body Sulpting classes. Vain indeed, but hey, I was trying to ensure I look good for the big day *grin* And a good tan helps! I was in Phuket about a month before our wedding, came back with a tan – makes you look healthier (and supposedly slimmer)?? Haha!

S: I think the Phuket trip probably made you refreshed and relaxed before your big day. Speaking of that, where did you go for your honeymoon?
R: Phuket! Hahahaha!!! I was there for the 1st time before the wedding for work and liked the place, so we decided to go to Phuket for our honeymoon. Partly because by then we’re pretty broke too … so settled for somewhere near. Hehe … but hey, it’s the company that counts right?

S: Haha! If you like the place very much, why not! Yes, during the honeymoon period, you just want to enjoy each other’s company. Thanks for the great interview! You are certainly a beautiful bride.

To find out more about other beautiful brides, keep a lookout for other Beautiful Brides Series interviews.